Friends

You may have a friend who has had an abortion. Maybe your friend hasn't told you but you found out another way. Friends who know of the abortion sometimes struggle with what they subsequently observe in their friend. Sometimes the friend who had the abortion withdraws or engages in serious risk-taking behavior that is unlike previous activity. If you, as their friend, participated in some way by encouraging or supporting the decision to have the abortion, you may carry a burden of concern for their friend years afterward. You may share a sense of inadequacy when, after the fact, you discovered that an abortion had been chosen. You may remember your concern for your friend and your desire for them to be free to move on with their lives. And you sometimes remember your disappointment, and perhaps anger, at the fact that your friend's life took an unexpected turn such as this. You might express a sense of disappointment that your friend made this decision without consulting you or you may be angry with yourself if you encouraged the decision.

You may describe your experience in these terms:

• Why did I fail him/her? Why couldn't they tell me?
• Sense of failure
• May carry the burden of the abortion decision if they actively encouraged the abortion.
• Desire to make their friend get "better" if they see her/him grieving or struggling.
• Feelings of inadequacy in discussing abortion and its aftermath with your friend.
• Sadness
• Anger
• Worried
• Grieving

We are sorry for your friend's loss and also yours. Abortion affects as many lives as a single life could. We encourage you to begin your healing journey. Be honest with your friend. Offer her/him help. If you have never talked about it, pray about an opportunity to do so. But most of all allow yourself to grieve and heal so you will be ready in the future to journey with your friend as they resolve the abortion loss. If you are hurting, call 866.482.LIFE today or check out our weekend healing retreats.