Men Hurt Too!

If you are the father of an aborted baby, we are sorry for your loss. We realize that the society as a whole has told you that you have no right to grieve or struggle with the abortion decision. However, we know from hearing the stories of many fathers that some men hurt a great deal after the abortion. They pinpoint that event as a turning point that marked the beginning of the end of the relationship. Whatever your story, we care about you. Please do not hesitate to call us if we can help you. We understand your pain and your loss. You don't need to struggle in isolation. We can connect you to other fathers who have experienced the pain but have healed to help others.

Men are partners in every abortion decision whether they are hidden or have played a major role. Their role or lack of role in the decision can create a stream of consequences that may accompany the man through the rest of his life. The men who are hidden may have been told they had no say in the abortion decision and that it is about a woman and her choice. They later struggle with the questions they pose to themselves and the emotions they feel. Men often say, "I don't feel entitled to my grief. It was her choice. Why do I feel so badly?"

As the "men's" movement continues to grow through workshops and outreach programs such as Promise Keepers, St. Joseph's Covenant Keepers, and the numerous other men's self-actualization movements, men grapple more and more with their feelings.

The role of men in abortion is a complex one to describe. The following are scenarios men have shared:

• I knew she was pregnant and I tried to stop her. I may even have gone to court for a restraining order.
• I knew she was pregnant. I didn't agree with the abortion decision but I went along with it since it was her body.
• I knew she was pregnant and I supported her decision completely.
• I knew she was pregnant and I forced her to have an abortion. She didn't really want to have it.
• I didn't find out that she had been pregnant and had had an abortion until it was over.

Men describe the following reactions to an abortion loss:

• Rage
• A sense of impotence
• Chemical abuse (alcohol, drugs, etc.)
• Grief over the loss of fatherhood
• Increased risk-taking behavior
• Nightmares
• Suicidal thoughts
• Battering of the partner who had the abortion or a subsequent partner
• Becoming an overly nurturing father who is hyper vigilant with regards to the well-being of his other children
• Deep desire to replace the lost child through having another child.
• Becoming involved in the pro-life movement.

Again, we are sorry for your loss and encourage you to begin your healing journey. Call 866.482.LIFE.