Sandra’s Testimony 

    I came to a Planned Parenthood facility here in Little Rock, Arkansas fifteen years ago to have an abortion. I remember the first thing that happened was the payment.  Ten twenty dollar bills (counted out one by one on the table) was all that was needed Simple enough for a “simple procedure”. It was so quick and easy. 
         It would have been much more complicated for me to have opened a checking account that day than to have had an abortion. What could be bad about that? My problem was solved and the abortion clinic had their money. Everybody was happy now and I could go on with my life.

         But there was no “simple recovery”. Fifteen years later, I still cannot say I have fully recovered. I wish I could lay down 10 twenty dollar bills on a table today and be rid of the constant shame of having had an abortion. I wish I could lay down 10 twenty dollar bills and have (what I know now was my child!!!) back.

   But I cannot. And that leaves me with a lot of anger because I feel like I was not given all the information. Now, looking back, I feel deceived, ignorant, and appallingly lacking in plain common sense. Because abortion advocates provide little education to prepare you for the overwhelming sense of loss you will feel after abortion, the emotional, spiritual, and psychological aftershock came to me totally unexpected.

          I did not expect to feel grief! But I did. And because society does not allow women to grieve abortion as a pregnancy loss, I went on with my life in monumental denial. This unresolved grief led to many bad choices including alcoholism, destructive carelessness, and an insatiable desire to destroy anything good that came into my life. I am sad to look back at the many bad choices I made after the abortion and the relationships that were destroyed. And I am sad that I lived for so many years not even realizing these destructive behaviors were related to my past abortion!