In 1979 while I was taking an experimental drug for a tumor on my bladder, I became pregnant. My doctor told me I could not have the baby because my life could be in danger and that my baby could be a monster. He said I must have a
D & C (dilation and curettage) quickly before the baby’s heart started beating. I was seven weeks pregnant, 25 years old and a healthy “mother’s health exception” candidate for an abortion, although the doctor never used that word. I was married to my husband Dail, now of 33 years, and we had a three-year-old son. I felt pressure to choose between my three year old I could see and the “blob of tissue” that was the unknown.

We were active church members and a Christian family. We called our parents and close family. We prayed and decided to take the doctor’s advice. I honestly thought I had to have this “cleaning out” or I would not be around to raise my three yr. old son.

My doctor sent me to a Planned Parenthood facility in Little Rock . I wonder now why I was sent there if my pregnancy was at risk. I remember the cold table and the almost empty room. The nurse told me it would be over quickly, wouldn’t hurt, and that I could return to work in a couple of days. She was absolutely wrong! I remember hearing the machine and beginning to wonder, “What is happening to me?”

After coming home I felt excruciating pain and immediate mental anguish. I tried to walk and began hemorrhaging. More body parts came out as I went to the bathroom! I cried myself to sleep and the depression began. I couldn’t even say the word abortion and I wanted to punish myself. I repressed the event for over 12 years before I could admit the truth thanks to another woman’s testimony. And had it not been for my relationship with God, I would have lost my mind. I continually had many pelvic infections, endometriosis, and had to have a hysterectomy at an early age.

I believe the question that was not answered by the United States Supreme Court in 1973 of “What is it?” must be answered. We have given our daughter, Jill Allison personhood and honor in order to grieve her loss and begin to heal. Her size, level of development, environment, and degree of dependency did not justify her death.

Abortion took the life of our daughter. After all, we don’t kill dead things. In 1979 the nurse said, “This will be over quickly,” but that has not been true in my experience. I will have regret for the rest of my life and so will my husband. Abortion hurt us and was a very poor choice.

If you have had an abortion, I want you to know that you are not alone. Research says 44% of all American women will have an abortion at some point during their lifetime. Please call the toll free number 1-866-482-LIFE and find help today. Shame is the ultimate silencer, but the truth will set you free. Be silent no more.